Divorce has never been easy, and when we observe the current trend that it is taking place, the numbers are increasing daily. Couples are left with hurt and pain in their hearts once Divorce is pronounced.
When separation then takes place, the affected partners need a shoulder to lean on at this time because this is a new phase that they never expected and has brought so much pain in them. At times, if care is not taken, divorced coupled suffer depression and are no longer able to attend to their daily duties. This is an unfortunate situation which calls for support from friends and relatives to see the affected people, whether a lady or a man to overcome the situation and move on with their daily duties.
This is the time that a true friend comes in handy and takes over the burden of a friend going through hurts as if it was you and offer as much courage to see to it that they can dust themselves and pick up to face a new life. Below are some ways on how to help a friend going through divorce, and this may change the perception of such a person.
1.Be a good listener.
When conversing, it happens that you may be going through circles as you share out the issues. Practice excellent listening skills to allow your friend to pour out as much grief as possible to enable them to release the baggage they are carrying in their minds. Do not take sides while responding to any questions that may pop in during the conversation as this will only act as a catalyst to the fire that is already burning in their hearts.
2.Help in the duties they have been doing together before parting ways.
Sometimes stepping in to help out in the duties can bring relief to let the person know that he is not alone. For instance, take care of the pets while they go out to work or more so, assist in going about to the market to buy groceries. For example, men may not comfortable walking out to a grocery shop by their selves, but as they accept the transition period, take up some of the duties, shop around with them till they get comfortable to do it on their own.
3.Invite the friend to go out on a date.
When one is used to family life, there were so many social interactions they had as a family, but when the separation took place, they feel lonely and withdraws from going out. A good friend will take up the challenge of inviting them to go out, meet new friends, stay connected, and rebuild their social life once again. Make fun, play, and also take some favorite drinks to show them that there are people who still value them and have their interests at heart. During this time, you will be able to know the most ailing issues and you will be in a position to know what to say to a friend going through a divorce.
4.Help in Packing.
This is one of the most painful things; packing out of a place you called home is never easy. But as a friend, help the person to pack and keep their minds engaged in helping manage the deep pains and hurts they are going through especially when separating their clothes that they loved wearing together with the spouse.
5.Do not gossip.
Gossiping about your friend’s Divorce is never a good idea. Instead encourage them that there is life after marriage and if they do not want the issue to be disclosed in the first place, consider keeping the information to yourself since they confided with you as a friend and not a gossiper. In case there is somebody you feel they should know about the Divorce, consult the person first and let them disclose the information that should be shared, for instance, they may have been unable to share with the parents. Take up the role but only share the information which you have been asked to share. This is the essence of having a friend who you can confide with and feel secure.
6.Accept the Change of mood.
Divorce is a complicated process to go through and overcome, and it calls for the sanity of the person supporting a divorcing person. The emotional instability is often felt at this stage, and you need to understand them and help the person to release them, for instance, one day she might wake up wishing to go back to the spouse and rebuild their lives , but after a while, she is again hopping mad even at the mention of the Ex’s name. The next day, depression takes over, and she gets confused over the next issue, but all this will come and go when a friend offers a shoulder to lean on and accept all the mood swings by providing concrete solutions towards overcoming such situations.
7.Do not be Judgemental.
This is now the time to take up the bull by its horns. You may not have agreed with your friends reasons for parting with his/her spouse, but since it has already taken place, you have no otherwise than to be helpful. If you judge her acts, then you will not offer the right support needed at such a time. Purpose of loving them unconditionally and do not let them have a feeling of guilt. Good friends will not only stand with a person when it’s well but even when things turn sour.
A person may be having some errands to run, or maybe even would want to sleep or watch a movie alone in the bedroom without disturbance. Babysit the kids at such a time and let them know that you are comfortable staying with the kids for the time they want on their own without any reservations.
9.Hug him /her.
A physical touch means a lot to a friend when you hug them and let them know that you are with them in time of need will give then an assurance that it is well with them no matter the situation. You can imagine how strong a hug is and when you offer it to the person who needs it most, then they will feel more loved and appreciated. This is a physical way on how to comfort such a depressed person.
10.Do not offer advice when they are newly separated.
Advising at such a time can add more pains, for instance, telling them not to date while their hearts are burning with love may make them hate you forever. Look for wise ways of twisting an answer not to portray that you are directly refuting their conversations. By doing this, time is still moving, and healing is taking place.
11.Write a letter of encouragement.
While you are not together, let them know that someone is thinking well about them. Pick up a note, buy a card, and send over to them with words of love, and this will ignite their hearts to more refreshing moments. Still, you could write a WhatsApp message to them and scribble some words of encouragement. Call at night and tell her she is not alone, she is loved and you will pay a visit in the morning to say hi. Do not sound sympathizing but make her know she is loved.
12.Encourage the friend to maintain good habits.
When a person is going through a difficult moment, at times, they tend to forget about the good habits that they should practice. As a good friend, when paying a visit, remind such a person to take a shower, eat healthily, and avoid too much alcohol. In many cases, people take much alcohol to try and forget their depressing situations, however, this will not be a permanent solution, and as such, you need to help them overcome such addiction.
13.Encourage them to visit a counselor.
You may notice that there are issues that need to be addressed by a counselor and as such, suggest about visiting a counselor, who could advise stopping the bad habits that they may be engaged in.
They will give them the best advice possible towards overcoming the depressed state they are going because of the marriage break up.
14.Give a surprise dinner made from your house.
In as much as you can cook from your friend house, at times, they may feel more depressed when food is ready, and they miss their partner around. Consider cooking it from your home and deliver it on the dining table just like you had been out together. Food is always a show of love when taken together. Either way, get a pizza or a snack that they enjoy most and come over with it. They will keep feeling loved, and healing will take place sooner than expected.
When giving support to a friend going through Divorce, once they heal, they will honestly remember that you are not only a friend who is with them when there is joy and should you also require support later in life, they will not leave you. Once they heal, they will have a testimony to keep that you are the number one friend who was a friend indeed.